stopping mid-spin for a brief bit of joyful meditation on a Monet

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I haven’t written anything in a while – I guess real life has the right to claim you once in a while.  Cyberspace is nice to disappear into but the definitely not as tangible as other things. I’ve been busy with work lately.  I didn’t take any vacation this summer …I am saving 3 weeks for Ramadan this year.  Hopefully the time off will be approved -it’s almost official I just want to get that paper in my hand saying “oui”.  I really wanted to be able to spend time with my family who I  usually don’t see much of during the month, as well as get to the mosque more.  And to be perfectly honest I was not looking forward to working a month of nights. Last year I worked only nights because working 12 hour shifts during the day while fasting is so hard.

The summer has been a strange one for me.  I am feeling a bit out of control; like a spinning top that keeps going.  I can’t get enough sleep, I’m restless but so exhausted at the same time.  I’m  having bouts of insomnia too that are draining me.  I have a million little things I need to get done but my mind is so disorganized lately.  And my iman is suffering too. I keep wondering when I will get to a point in my life when I will stop making certain mistakes but I’m starting to think it’ll never end.  

Maybe I should have taken some vacation time!  I keep thinking “the next time I get a couple of days off I’ll get myself together”.    My sister and two of our friends are going to London tomorrow.  I really would have loved to go – I love London.  I’ve been there twice already but I would go back every year if I could.  Unfortunately If I ever plan to finish this degree my behind has to put aside travel for a while.

I guess I know what it is that is keeping me so wound up.  Sitting here and writing about it has helped.  Every time I hint to anyone about how I’m feeling they have tons of advice for me and it makes it worse.  Sometimes you just need to talk about it and have somebody hug you instead of trying to solve it for you.  Although I appreciate so much the people in my life – they care so much and give over the best of what they have for me time and time again.  I mean my friend wanted me to take a vacation so badly she offered to pay for my trip to England – she is a gem, one of the truest people in my life. 

One thing I have made time for this summer is reading and I have discovered the art gallery.  I was fascinated by Pissarro’s method of painting and standing in front of the Monet I was completely immersed in it’s beauty.  Seeing so many beautiful paintings up close was a thrilling experience – it filled and satisfied my soul for days.  I’m bringing F’s kids there on later on this week.

Here is a sample of what I saw:

Monet

 

Pissarro

So much beauty all around us.  I’m smiling as I write this  – I feel better now that I have spent some time with all of you.  Maybe that’s what I need … to write more and remember beauty often. 

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