How to Procrastinate

Wake up at 11h00am…stay in bed and get on laptop to check news sites, check all 5 email inboxes, check news sites again,
Woah! Sheryl Crow has breast cancer!….
phone rings…ignore it
Hungry…I eat a big bowl of Cheerios in bed and then I feel sick. Am I allergic to food now? Imagine how skinny I would get. I sit and daydream about being skinny again.
12h00pm – ok paper on the social psychology of exclusion due Monday. Get started. I pile all 15 articles around me in bed and I feel productive. Good job! Check news sites again in case world has come to an end. Unfortunately it seems to be going strong so I guess paper is still due Monday.
12h30pm – I am sleepy. Lay back and close eyes. Phone rings…ignore it.
Whoever this is is persistent…answer damn phone. Jazzy says she is coming over. I have a paper due and I have only written 2 pages of gibberish but I know she needs me right now so I must be there for my friend.
dum dee dumm that’s what friends are for…lalalala (dionne warwick et al.)
1h00pm – Jazzy and I sit in kitchen and discuss very important life matters. Sheryl Crows’ cancer, how much Madonna sucks, family secrets, the weather (sick of winter already!), how important my paper is and how I will totally be in trouble if I don’t get inspired really soon…. Nothing like good conversation.
2h00pm – Delio comes over! Haven’t seen her in a while so I have to spend time with her too. Saf wakes up and joins us. I am having a party in my kitchen. woohoo!
2h30pm – Somebody suggests we go out and eat. We are all starving. Honestly. If we don’t get waffles and crepes right away we will die.
Get dressed. Console myself with knowledge that I will be writing paper in my head while we are eating so all I have to do is come home and put it on paper. Cause I’m smart like that.
3h30pm – Oh my g-d this is biggest waffle I have ever eaten! Delio says there are no calories in waffles. She is smart, she saves lives for a living so I believe her. I eat part of her crepe too.
4h15pm – Sit because we cannot move. I cannot believe I ate so much. I am going to have to do sit-ups tonight. I hate sit-ups.
There are a lot of mixed people in this restaurant. It makes me uncomfortable. Should I smile and nod? Or just raise my eyebrows in recognition? What is the protocol?
4h30 – Jazzy pisses me off so I EXCLUDE her. I will use this in my paper on the psychology of social exclusion. See…I am writing it as we sit.
4h45 – Let’s just check out one store in the mall.
5h30 – 4 stores later. This mall sucks. We get in the car and go to another mall. I really should get home and start paper. Really.
6h00pm – HMV to check out CDs. I buy Leonard Cohen’s greatest hits. Bye some DVDs for friend. Mexx…oooohhhh nice coat! On sale….I want it. I hope I have money in my account. SO embarassing when you are declined in front of everybody. Not that it’s happened to me. I buy coat.
7h30pm – Still shopping. I am in so much trouble. I am going to be up all night writing about bloody social exclusion. I hate my life.
8h00pm – Hungry again. Who wants Thai food? Leave mall. See cute dog. Pet it. Forget I am allergic to dogs. Rub my eye with hand that pet freakin dog. Oh my g-d is my eye najis now? crap. Whatever it is it’s burning and swelling like crazy. I look like a freak.
8h30pm – I love Thai food. SO yummy.
9h30pm – I ate too much.
9h45pm – we make a Second Cup run because I am sooo going to be up all night writing this STUPID paper! Large latte, no foam, extra shot of espresso please.
10h00pm – home at last. My eye is still swollen shut. Climb into bed. Articles still here. Laptop to check news site. World is still here. Check email. Check blogs. Check glitteratigossip.
11h00pm – start writing paper. I am so tired. My life sucks. I am so not answering the phone tomorrow…..

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “How to Procrastinate

  1. desert-Rose

    Felt like I was there – you write like bridet jones.

  2. my eye is still swollen…I’ve been writing my paper with one eye closed 🙂

  3. firitimo

    i would like to hear more about this saf chracter…she sounds like she is attractive

  4. She is not. Way too thin a la Nicole Ritchie.
    I hate thin people.
    Eat a burger firitimo

  5. This post has been removed by the author.

  6. me too, firitimo!!! she (or he?) sounds HOT!

  7. when i first read this, it really hit me how much i miss y’all.. i miss those kinds of days :(((( nostalgia….. you should have written something like this about the post-U2 concert! 😉

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