I miss my Fidelito.
I just finished some strange rant on one of the mailing lists I’m on. Some girl was going on and on about music and how we are all destined to hell and then some and how some nasheed singers are causing fitnah in the ummah because girls are swooning for them as they sing about Allah and the Rasul (saw). Okay so girls shouldn’t swoon, but I’d rather have my kid swoon over nasheeds than freakin mysoginistic asses like fiddy. This girl was actually screaming in her email – you could tell because she was using caps on certain words like HELL and DAMNATION!!!!!!!
I love Muslims like that. They cannot for the life of them hold a discussion with differing opinions without screeching and resorting to name calling (usually with words like mushrik and kuffar being thrown around). You know what I like to do to people like that? I stare at them for a couple of seconds and then I say “SOOOOOFI!”, and watch them wail and melt into the floor. They melt away ….it’s quite fun.
Went to a bachelorette party for Esther tonight. Jazzy drove me and we got lost for an hour and a half before we found the house. I hate the suburbs…I felt like I was in a different dimension. Smiley Blancos and their children of the corn.
Anyways because we were so late I only got to spend about 45 minutes there before the limo came to whisk them off to a night of drinking and merriment. Regardless it was nice to meet all of Esther’s friends and to see her looking so happy.
The people upstairs are drunk again. I swear these people drink non-stop. They come home bellowing at around 2am and leave me marvelling at how bloody assinine they are. People have no class…I mean do you have to do it every night?
The anxiety is settling in again. It has started to come at night, always around the same time. I can feel it building up before I go to bed and ten by the time I get ito bed it is full blown. I can’t figure it out. It is getting worse and worse. Certain things will help it go away – I painted a picture in my head once (I’m hoping to capture it on canvas soon), and the other night I started to meditated in bed. Last night I just said screw it and popped a pill which I hate to do. I am trying to stay away from relying on meds for this. Carey says it is my bdy trying to communicate with me and I should respect the process. I just get so frustrated because it is coming at a time when I need to sleep – I don’t have time to be dealing wigh my crazies when I have to get up in 5 hours.
Maybe if I meditate before I get into bed it will help. So instead of jumping into bed right after salah I will actually take the time to calm my body down. Carey is probably right…she usually is. I thought I was having some sort of asthma attack and she was like “ummm…I think you are having an anxiety attack”. Better than asthma right? It means my 12 years of smoking hasn’t manifested itself negatively yet.