Sick all weekend and just now recovering. I didn’t keep my promise to myself (thanks for asking Sumayyah), but I did finally get my room in order. It only took me 4 months – that’s progress for me.
Stress these days is climbing…work is taking up too much of my head as well as the usual stuff that occurs to throw you off balance for a minute. Whatever – I think of Andalucia and Brighton and I count down the weeks.

I guess should write a bit about how the guys arrested here are claiming they are being mistreated by the cops, or how there is a publication ban on the case now so we have no way of knowing what is happening.

Or I could write on how the community is reacting: Conspiracy: “It’s a plot to make us look bad. They hate Muslims, why should we believe anything they say?” Young Hooligans: “They are more like neo-nazi skinheads than real terrorists. Just bigoted little hoodlums…a few years in jail will fix them.” Misguided Youth: “Where were the Imams? Where were the parents? They’re young, impressionable youth who need to be straightened out, talked to, reasoned with, anything but the Kingston Pen! Fanatics In Our Midst: “The mosques, the conferences, the khutbahs are all breeding grounds for this! Ban jumu’ah and all your problems are solved! What Arrests?: I was watching the MTV awards…what’s going on?”, etc….

I could also blog about howeveryone’s trying to answer questions we as a community are showing our inability to answer. Maybe we have never had to be self critical enough to become part of the solution instead of part of the problem. We have cultivated a community that is left floundering, looking for someone to blame, instead of realizing that all of us together have had a hand in this.

Or I could just remark on how utterly sad it makes me to have to defend who I am to people every day. I do it as silently as their stares silently judge me. In my head I defend, I excuse, I apologize, I do not apologize…my community lives inside me, each group warring with the other, until I no longer know what I think or feel.
When I was a child Islam was my base, my center. When I wasn’t part of any one group I was part of the Muslims. My center has been rocked but it still holds, no major cracks in the foundation. Regardless of how little I do know, one thing I am certain of:
“This day I have perfected your religion for you, completed My favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion.”
(al-Maa’idah 5:3)

Allah’s favour upon us is in this deen. It behooves us to treat it well, this perfect faith. Perhaps if we focused on that we would be in a different place.



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2 responses to “Fragile

  1. As salaamu alaikum Sister,

    Well said.

  2. Walaikum Salaam Dynamite,

    Thank you. I was feeling thin skinned last night – emotions close to the surface.

    Peace be with you and yours

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