The horror of looking in the mirror and seeing nothing at all. If your eyes are the windows to the soul then the soul fled a long time ago. You fight with yourself to hold on, to be strong, to keep smiling and sometimes the temptation to drop the rope is so strong. You sing and the miracle is that I don’t let go.
How do you explain to others what you yourself can barely understand? People talk in circles, the same lines over and over again – a cacophony of different voices, each one singing their own song – like sirens luring you and you want to smack them because they won’t shut up.
And then you exhale and touch yourself to make sure you still exist. Your face in the mirror doesn’t scare you anymore. You sing and I realize that the big miracle is He didn’t let me go.