Day 18. The speed of time is strange. I’ll probably try to take a hiatus from the internet for the last 10 days- we’ll see if it works.
Another stretch of nights over and I’m in count down mode till my next bit of time off. I may whine (a lot) about work but to be perfectly honest I have it so easy. I managed to get the last week of Ramadan off. I am so grateful I could cry – I have this almost physical ache to be at the mosque this year.
The weather is changing rapidly. I’m sitting here wrapped in a blanket and my nose is still cold. Which is sign to break out the socks and sweatshirts. I have to try to get out and take some pictures of the leaves tomorrow. They are so beautiful this time of year – the sky has this wonderful gray colour it turns …I love it.
I had a couple of people over tonight for iftar. I made a new friend! U brought over a lovely sister she met recently. Dinner menu was : lasagna and salad, with angel food cake and berries with vanilla ice cream for dessert. Not bad at all, I must say. I’m done in though – I got home around 8h30 this morning – started the pasta sauce, cleaned up a bit, was in bed by 10, slept till 2, then got up and finished everything else by iftar time. So I can barely keep my eyes open now. But must write a bit before I forget what’s in my head 🙂
My new friend is a wonderful lady who has been through a very difficult time. She is one of those people who have much faith and patience and hope… I really think sometimes these people come into your life just to serve as reminders. I guess I needed some reminders because I got them in spades. Del went over to a mutual aquaintances’ house tonight for iftar. She was invited over by this sister who’s youngest child is dying. They ran into each other at the mosque and D said the sister was still smiling and full of faith. She wanted Del to go over so she could get the rewards for feeding her and so D could get the ajar for visiting the sick. Some people are walking reminders – I on the other have to spend an entire night reading “The Removal of Cares” after some small incident. Some people leave you humbled.
And then after last nights’ shift I came home thanking God that I have the life I do. We saw everything- the drunks, the coked-out teens, the alcoholic who has drunk so much in her lifetime I think she bleeds the stuff, the kid who’s father stabbed him, etc…(and then the actual sick people). I practically ran out of there this morning. My heart is just so full of gratitude that I have been spared that kind of story and all I can do is pray that it never becomes mine. While I have zero sympathy for drunk teenagers from the suburbs (and I mean zilch, nada…as in I cannot stand them), I have a soft spot for so many other down and out types. For a short moment in time you enter their lives and I always feel like if enough compassion is shown it’ll make a difference. Of course that’s not true a lot of the times. Some of these guys are so far gone you can’t even talk to them. The homeless, mess of an alcoholic had two words for everyone “F***” and “You”. I can’t even describe her- and I mean it literally. I keep trying to and something in me won’t even let me write the words down. From the Divine command to be vicegerents on earth to what I saw last night. Nobody should have to see someone in that state. And if I sound judgemental know that I see myself as part of the problem if I am not part of the solution. So today I called my friends and told them to thank God for their blessings. Because really it’s a crap shoot. Who gets this lot in life and who gets that…choices you make in your life… those books I used to read when I was a kid – “Choose Your Own Adventure” I think they were called. If you turn left you die, if you turn right you live. Destiny, what Allah has written for you, life…mysterious but simple. It is what it is – you get what you get. No more, no less. I thought of my friend tonight who passed away before we turned 30. All the times we sat up till the wee hours of the morning whispering, giggling about boys, parents,friends…God, what did we talk about at 15? Who knew she would die before getting married, before finishing her little projects, before all those things we thought she had so much time to accomplish.
So I have this Ramadan. And I have this moment. And I figured out why I’m so cold. After socks, a sweater and a blanket.
I left the window open…nothing gets by me.