Had a wisdom tooth pulled today. Ouch. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be but still my jaw is throbbing. He had to put stitches in so I think that’s why it’s hurting so much. The dentist gave me tylenol 3’s which do very little for me – I have to top them up with advil for me to get any kind of relief. At least so far there is no swelling or bruising and no hemorrhaging (like last time!). We leave tomorrow for Albany and then on to Philly so I have no time to be sick !
It’s been a weird week. On top of it all, last night as I was lying in bed reading something came hurtling past me all of a sudden and hit the floor about a foot away from my head. It happened so fast I didn’t even have time to react. It was the light fixture – there is this heavy engraved glass bowl encasing the lightbulbs in my bedroom. For some odd reason it came loose and lunged itself at my head. I haven’t even touched it since last year so I don’t know how it happened but I do know it’s not going back up. If that had hit me in the head it would have knocked me out for sure and probably caused some damage.
I used to leave the house every day with the same thought: “I wonder how many different ways I could die today?” I don’t do it as much anymore because I’m trying to not use the remembrance of death as another excuse to let my fears control my life. There is difference between remembering death as a spiritual excercise and doing what I was doing. I should blame my parents for this – as bed time stories my father used to read us the hadiths from this book on death and the afterlife. But we loved those stories…we used to ask him to read it to us. And then my mother used to read us Hansel and Gretel evey night when we little- we used to love that too-I don’t think they anticipated turning me into a complete neurotic though! 🙂
You never know how or when you’ll go. It could be something as stupidly random as a light fixture beaning you on the head. Or it could be something as spectacularly random like the guy driving home the other day who got himself decapitated – a piece of metal flew through his windshield and that was it.
These days I try not to focus on death as much as focusing on balancing my life. Salat, Zhikr, Quran, Du’a, Good Company, Renewing my Shahada as Shaykh HY says. And I work at decluttering my life, simplifying my life, reorganising my life. And I remember that this life is fleeting, and short. These are the things I think will make my transition from one state to the other easy inshaAllah. It’s a work in progress for sure. And I am far from being anywhere close to where I want to be. Hopefully I’ll have the time to fix that.
Sorry for being so morbid. I’m tired and in pain. And wary of flying objects.