past collides with present.
i see looking through the mirror of time, myself – so much younger. i see beauty and laughter and hope. i see strength. and more than anything i see youthful foolishness. dreamy impetuousness. firmness of resolve.
present goes looking for past.
once you were an inspiration – now just a mystery. what i loved has disappeared behind layers of hurt and in your voice i hear you asking me to go away. perhaps you know i’m just here to make myself feel better. to stop the guilt and the questions. yes you’re probably right. just know that once upon a time you were an inspiration. and i loved you. and if you really want me to i’ll stop looking for you.
present as present.
how to tell fiction from reality? what the heart knows as being real, the head challenges – and rightly so. i cannot slide down that rabbit hole again. yet every once in a while i will take flight when i’m feeling brave. i allow myself this luxury knowing that it’s safe. i will come to the edge of that wonderful wonderland hole, peer down into it’s welcoming, velvety darkness. lie down next to it to catch my breath and then slowly walk away.