past collides with present. 

i see looking through the mirror of time, myself – so much younger.  i see beauty and laughter and hope.  i see strength.  and more than anything i see youthful foolishness. dreamy impetuousness.  firmness of  resolve. 

present goes looking for past.

once you were an inspiration – now just a mystery.  what i loved has disappeared behind layers of hurt and in your voice i hear you asking me to go away. perhaps you know i’m just here to make myself feel better.  to stop the guilt and the questions.  yes you’re probably right.  just know that once upon a time you were an inspiration.  and i loved you.  and if you really want me to i’ll stop looking for you.

present as present.

how to tell fiction from reality?  what the heart knows as being real, the head challenges – and rightly so.  i cannot slide down that rabbit hole again.  yet every once in a while i will take flight when i’m feeling brave.  i allow myself this luxury knowing that it’s safe.  i will come to the edge of that wonderful wonderland hole, peer down into it’s welcoming, velvety darkness.  lie down next to it to catch my breath and then slowly walk away.



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2 responses to “collisions

  1. BismillaharRahmanirRahim

    as-salaamu ‘alaikum, the Heart is knowing what is Real. Only the Heart can receive what is Real. The head, that one can only compare; that one can only collate, making associations with this and that. The Heart, the Heart is what receives the NurAllah and that nur spreads throughout our being.

    Our shaykh is saying that it is our heart that judges what is right and what is wrong. Taking this lesson I have found that when we are looking into the rabbit hole we are merely being tested. Tested to see if we are connected to our Lord, our Rabb. Tested to see if our Heart is receiving NurAllah or is our head deceiving us.

    Very nice post.


  2. Walaikum Salaam,

    Filling your heart with the Nur of Allah is then the only way to avoid deceiving yourself…this is truth for certain.
    Thank you for the thoughts.

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