Tubes winding everywhere like snakes coiled on rocks sunning themselves. The mysteries of colour coded tubes. We learned the language of red numbers, (diastolic, systolic) while our hearts moved to the rythm of drips and beeps. We sat vigil watching your face, your beautiful face contorted to the angles of breathing tubes – Your body a battleground ravaged inside and out. The shock of almost losing you overwhelms me….
I should feel safer now that you have begun healing but I am frightened that the minute I relax it’ll begin all over again. I want you to lose the haunted look in your eyes that tell of your ordeal and so I will not tell you how I can’t sleep in the dark anymore. Or how everytime the phone rings I think it’s the hospital with bad news. Or how I can’t laugh too loudly or read magazines or enjoy food too much. It all seems so frivolous – I’d rather stare at the wall for hours, trying not to think, trying to pray but losing track of what I am saying to God because I am so tired and scared.
Slowly you make your way back to us – there is a long road ahead and the future is not known. But God is Merciful, God is Gentle, God is Great.
Subhanallahi walhumdulillahi wa la illaha illallah wallahu akbar